My mind is running a marathon.

It's cold in my apartment and somewhere in a distant past the weather is beautiful and I can almost hear you making me laugh. Somewhere out there it's a weird August night and a voice as innocent as the first snow of winter is saying that he is "so happy he could die."

But alternative universes don't really exist and neither do mermaids or unicorns, so I guess everything I love is a joke.

And the reality is that every day something beautiful dies and advertising is all a lie, and people hold hands in rainstorms and and kiss goodnight under a bleeding moon while still feeling completely hollow.
And every night I sit around, filling an empty room with empty words in a desperate attempt to ignore the emptiness that lingers inside of me.... painting my life with the most cliche of all metaphors, and catalyzing another head rush from another cigarette that is slowly diminishing me.

It's kind of like that time two years ago when you were so glad to have a friend who understood everything and you were so damn excited to be surrounded by the promise of new air. But you slept many months longer than your nap was intended and now it's 2012 and the world is scheduled to end anyway, so fuck it.

But upon waking, you realized...
that the air that surrounds is all just pollution and smog.
No one understands or even gives half of a fuck.
Everyone is the star in their own movie, we're all just trying to survive the day.
And the lights in this city are much too bright and they're not beautiful at all,
they just obstruct my view of the stars.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

October 14th, 2012

Monday Motivation.

I thought I could get high off Sunday afternoon and a waterfront view. And if I drank a glass of wine and inhaled enough of my environment, maybe I could fly. But I can't fly and even in my dreams I keep crashing to the ground. And sometimes I scream and sometimes it doesn't even matter, because every single morning I still wake up alone.

I'm in a haze.
I can no longer recall what day of the week it is, or the curve of your palm, or how you used to stain my skin with words that were simple and vibrant.

The only thing I'm certain of is that I hate myself for thinking of you approximately every sixth morning when I wake up. The ocean is blue, but not nearly as much so as when you're swallowing it's salt. And three summers ago, you grabbed my hand and said "they write movies about this shit."

NYFW SS13

With yet another fashion week come & gone, I suppose it's time to review all the weird and wonderful looks that have emerged. Now that all the beautiful people prancing about the city have returned to their homelands, MAYBE my sex drive and self image will return to normal. I don't know, probs not.
Well anyway, here it is.... these are a few of my favorite looks.

Josie Natori

Jason Wu

Helmut Lang

Dries Van Noten

Emerson

Donna Karen

Jeremy Scott

Jeremy Scott

Anne Sofie Madsen

Katie Gallagher

Katie Gallagher

Marc Jacobs

Marc Jacobs

The Legend: Penny Lane Edition

Recently while having a conversation with a friend, I was given a second-hand piece of info, originally asserted by a highly pompous individual, who thinks he knows shit about shit. Well, this info didn't quite sit well with me, and being the annoying and badgering person that I am, I did a little bit of internet research. Well thank you to this person for leading me directly to a gold mine of incredible knowledge and the discovery of my real-life muses/idols. This woman is the fucking legend. This is Penny Lane, in real life.

Stevie Nicks, Rod Stewart, & Bebe Buell

Bebe & Billy Idol

Bebe & Svit Bators

Bebe & Elvis Costello

Bebe & Iggy Pop

Bebe & Joan Jett

Bebe, Todd Rundgren, & Alice Cooper

Bebe Buell:
an American fashion model and singer, and Playboy magazine's November 1974 Playmate of the Month. She is known for dating rock musicians, and her social relationships with musical and cultural icons across four decades. She is actress Liv Tyler's mother from a brief relationship with Aerosmith vocalist Steven Tyler. She developed an interest in dating musicians when she was sixteen, and since has been linked to a large number rockstars including Mick Jagger, John Waite, David Bowie, Robert Plant, Joey Ramone, Barry Cowsill, David Cassidy, Todd Rundgren, Jim Wallerstein, etc.

My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me.

You're name - one syllable that means everything and absolutely nothing. Something as common as you are rare, I can't even speak it out loud anymore. My mouth is so bitter from all the nonsensical words you've spit inside of me.

It was sometime last winter when you really fucked me up. It was the very silence, the very avoiding of intimacy that loomed through the air; when you were merely a sentence in the back of my head and a silly thought that seemed so farfetched. It burdened me to my core.

I wrote you a letter saying "It's cold in Alaska, you know, and I miss you." But of course I never did send it.

It was probably the way I could close my eyes and feel our silhouettes in the dark once again, folded into each other so perfectly and imperfectly. I've had the song you played on repeat in my head ever since. We both lied about a lot, but I was being honest when I said it was perfect.

I guess I was foolish to think we could ever be anything more than a fleeting moment; two trains passing in the dark, a missed call at midnight, awkward eye-contact from across the room that meant more than anyone would dare put into words.

It's been almost one year. I wonder if you realize that.

Just Kids.

"Nobody sees like we do."

'Just Kids' by Patti Smith. Everyone must read this.

Fall Look.

With a new season rapidly approaching, some of my friends have been mentioning talk of their "Fall Look." A half serious, half joking concept.... essentially what this refers to is embodying and channeling certain eras, idols, movies, artist, etc into your personal appearance for this upcoming season. One friend even said that she thought I was going for a "90's inspired Janis Joplin." I can pretty much say that that's the best compliment ever. So with no further adieu... here's some inspiration for my Fall Look.