How you and I grew up and how you and I grew apart: Vol. 1

You can't blame gravity for falling in love; just as I can't blame you for the way your back arches ever so slightly when you're laughing at my laugh. I can't be mad at you for having dimples that bring me to my knees and I really can't condemn you for dropping the overbearing weight of my existence from the 300th story window of your life.

But still, I often dream of how things would be if I hadn't endured the fall. Better yet, if the descent had never occurred, at all. I can't blame you but I also can't blame me. Not this time. Not after I tried and I tried and all I got were answers in the form of goddamn static on the goddamn phone line. And so I left. And you left, too.

And It only took a few short weeks for my body on your bed to dimmed - into a silhouette, to be dimmed into a wrinkle in the sheets, to be dimmed into a distant fucking memory that you barely ever recall.

It's so horrible to be human, to have a heart so susceptible to emotion. I can cry all I want, but a sensible person would've known better than to love in such erratic conditions. Someone wiser than me wouldn't dare fall for someone so unsettled and anyone with their head on half-straight wouldn't hold hands with a heartbreaker. But I've never quite been one for rationality and so I collapsed, so foolishly into every inch of you. I laid out my naked bones and exposed my indecent heart and I cut my chest open and I trusted you. I trusted you and you looked straight into my eyes and you crushed it all with a single blink of goodbye.

Every once in a while I wonder about you. I wonder about how you've been and what you would look like if we were standing next to each other right now. I wonder what we would say and what we would do. Every once in a while I want to call you and I really really want to let you know....................
You suck.

I am constantly talking about the bullshit of avoiding negative people, energy, things, etc -
Always talking so trivially about ridding myself of bad energy and stripping my life of malice, virulence, and acrimony. But as I sit here at 4pm on a pointless Friday of my massively meaningless life, I realize:
What do you do when the negative energy is being harvested by none other than yourself?

"Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white."