Monday, 18 February 2013

How you and I grew up and how you and I grew apart: Vol. 1

You can't blame gravity for falling in love; just as I can't blame you for the way your back arches ever so slightly when you're laughing at my laugh. I can't be mad at you for having dimples that bring me to my knees and I really can't condemn you for dropping the overbearing weight of my existence from the 300th story window of your life.

But still, I often dream of how things would be if I hadn't endured the fall. Better yet, if the descent had never occurred, at all. I can't blame you but I also can't blame me. Not this time. Not after I tried and I tried and all I got were answers in the form of goddamn static on the goddamn phone line. And so I left. And you left, too.

And It only took a few short weeks for my body on your bed to dimmed - into a silhouette, to be dimmed into a wrinkle in the sheets, to be dimmed into a distant fucking memory that you barely ever recall.

It's so horrible to be human, to have a heart so susceptible to emotion. I can cry all I want, but a sensible person would've known better than to love in such erratic conditions. Someone wiser than me wouldn't dare fall for someone so unsettled and anyone with their head on half-straight wouldn't hold hands with a heartbreaker. But I've never quite been one for rationality and so I collapsed, so foolishly into every inch of you. I laid out my naked bones and exposed my indecent heart and I cut my chest open and I trusted you. I trusted you and you looked straight into my eyes and you crushed it all with a single blink of goodbye.

Every once in a while I wonder about you. I wonder about how you've been and what you would look like if we were standing next to each other right now. I wonder what we would say and what we would do. Every once in a while I want to call you and I really really want to let you know....................
You suck.

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