Wednesday, 1 August 2012

I tried to hide everything from you, for fear of being understood. I tried my best, but you read me so simply - like you read the street signs that lead to my house. All my efforts to keep you distant we're effortlessly evaded. You navigated the continent of my mind & made me feel so insignificant.

It's so sad, I was desperate for you. "love me love me love me, I will be anything for you. I will be everything for you."

And I thought I could smother that feeling. And God knows, I did for a while. But there's only so long that cigarettes, rainy days, a cup of tea, a new apartment, a new town, bruised legs, a sunburn, can mask the yearning and insecurity of a 20-something lost girl who is desperate and dying to be found.

The grass left uncut and the sun beating harshly, recycled ideas spin and spin. But time is like poison and I've certainly consumed too much. I'm one drink away from calling you to ask about the weather or maybe about how you've been. One more drink on one more night that is exactly like all the rest.

God, I'm so lonely.

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